Wolf Boy

I'm not myself,
not normal.


Something
in me is uncomfortably 
shifted up or down,
and it is stuck there
right now.


I am not me.


Because I should be really
enjoying this.
But sometimes
in the midst of the
niceness
I feel like screaming
and walking out.


I feel like getting up
and walking outside
and crying
and driving away.


I feel so empty,
sometimes very angry.
Feel like I should
get away.


I just don't know.
But I do know
this isn't how it should be.
This week should be bliss.


But there are so  many moment
where I am feeling
sad or lonely or
misshapen, 
like a pear mushed in
on one side.


I feel like that.
Like someone dropped
me, and I'm sort of oozing,
but my peel is intact.
So that sometimes it doesn't 
feel so bad, but them somebody
presses on the skin and I am reminded.


I should be happy.
Sometimes I forget how.


And I feel 
horrible in my house,
I feel awful.


But it's nice
to sit in a car
and talk about 
life and shortcomings
and things we could/should/would do.


I want to 
get out.
I want to figure it out.
I want to feel good.
And as usual,
I want to grab his face
and kiss him.


Weird,
because none of
the above are going to happen.