When I Dream, It's of You.

Today has been cryptic and crawling and strange. I've slept too much. Been in the open blue skies too much. Been gobbling up words too much. Today is a day of excess. I don't really like that. ays are to be stripped down to the bareness for which I am in love with them. I'm in love with a lot lately. And the rawness of anything is something I love. That bare, folkish feel... it makes my heart alight with joy. The words have made friends with me today. I pray it stays this way. I could use less cryptic, through. But maybe it's better when those around me can't decode my heart's musing, can't conjure what my mind has devised. I like it that way. I am a puzzle. A bundle of contradictions and false mental calamity. This feeling makes no sense in my mind, but I'll grasp onto it with whatever I might muster up.

I have made the horizon my goal, I thought as I rode out on my bicycle. It didn't make much sense, but as I rode into the coming night, away from the sunset, I realized it made perfect, maddening sense. The horizon is what I shall long for always. It's distant and mysterious. Unattainable. You can never reach the horizon. It's that thought makes it my goal. To stretch beyond my human capacity and extend my hands into that unknown. To capture a handful of that uncertainty.

I swear I could say things like this all the night long, my fingers flying furiously over the little keyboard, urging the keys down to make my words and phrases. The alphabet is my secret code. It's my language. It's my of communication. These keys. This type box. The words nobody reads but that still spill forth from my fingertips. They don't stop, I can't make them stop, they aren't mine to command. They will cease when they wish. When my thoughts have slowed from torrent to trickle. When sleep threatens to collapse my eyelids. When the clock warns me of the impending day.

Tomorrow could be just as winning as today, or it could sink back into the average, and I could lose the words that are now pouring into my brain. I wade through the mess and pick the most pleasing sounds. I string them together. They make sense. It's a process I have come to love. Words are my medium, the written verse my messageboard. And I'm rambling now, and I have been for a while now, but it's all that I can fathom right now. Words. Type. Blogs. I am the slave to the medium.

And now I will retire. I will slink up to my bed and slip beneath the sheets and somewhere between wakefulness and sleep, feeling with leave me and I'll be just a puppet. And that's when I'll slip into slumber. Then and only then. And I suppose it shouldn't be too bad, surrendering my emotions for the better part of the night/early morning.

So I bid thee goodnight, sweet dreams and much happiness. Adieu.

It's Been A While.

It's a been a while, my humble and lonely blog. Did you miss me? I thought of you, blog, and I recalled how lonely you were. I am sorry for that.

Things I have done:

-Mailed a PostSecret.

-Danced.

-Swam at the Y.

-Waxed nostalgic.

-Picked flowers.

-Cried.

And I think that's a good list. I've done all of these things. And recently, too. Somtimes...

I recall strange little things about you. Phrases you said. Things that you like. I wish I didn't.

I wish it was an illusion.

I wish things were stuck.

Stuck in a pretty place.

That'd be very nice.

Scrambled blog post: complete.

The Endless Summer Nights

Someday, in the future, when I'm going aimlessly through life, I suspect my parents will call me up and in distress. They will ask me, "What have you done with your life?" And will simply answer, "I'm happy." It won't matter if I haven't made any money, if I'm rooming with some friends in a tiny, icky apartment. It will matter that I've done something that makes me happy. I suspect that life is about happiness, anyway, right? If I am happy, I think I've succeeded at life. Now, for the journey to happiness. And who knows. Maybe I will end up scraping out a living playing dive bars, freelancing, or driving a freaking taxi cab. But hey, if it's happiness I seek, I think I'll find it somewhere. Maybe it will be to the disappointment of others, but so be it.

Tangent Two:

On short-term happiness. Go to the pool. People-watch. Lay in the ridiculously chlorinated water and stare at the sky. I bet you've never seen it so cerulean and perfect. I'd even bet money on that. Because regardless of how small the pool is, how many annoying kids are splashing and screaming around you, the sky is that big open space above you that will always be there. This I am sure of. So look at the sky. Admire it's blueness. Because it's perfect. And if you aren't the type to dreamily stare into the blue abyss. Just take a quick peek. Look up from that steamy dime-store novel your reading, or the children your tending, and just look for a second. I'm telling you, you won't regret it. So, go. What're you waiting for?

Acoustic Things and Lullabies

Do you like acoustic songs? I certainly do. Sometimes the more pure, clean, and raw something is, the better. Right? Songs like that just remind me of the earth. Which is odd, but true. The Earth. Like any Fleet Foxes song will automatically move me to their "quivering forests" and ponds, mountains and things. Nature bands, I guess? I like them. A lot.

On a separate and completely unrelated note.

There is nothing quite like sitting in a plastic kid pool. Ok, more like reclining, but anyway: Nothing like it. The slightly clouded, grassy water. The fact that it's been sitting in the sun all day. There is no where I'd rather stare at the sky from than the not-so-deep depths of a plastic kid pool. They're underrated, really. That and slip n' slides.

And banjos. Also very underrated. But that doesn't make them any less amusing and charming. Seriously.

I Don't Feel Afraid.

Make a wish.

Hold it in the sky,

Pin it to the brightest star,

Your eye can find.

And as you lie on the cold, condensing lawn,

When curfew's long past,

And the only sound,

Is that of your breath.

That of the sky,

Breathing winds upon your chilling body,

All stretched in the grass.

Eyes closed, and wishing upon stars.

Beauty in the contours,

Where the sky bends down to meet your lips.

And you kiss back.

Your lips, cold, against those of the sky.

And the stars, twinkle, twinkle on.

You are in love with skies that are dark.

With grass that holds the chilled secrets of the daytime.

And with the little dew drops that mist upon your eyelashes.

You, on the lawn.

Your thin body all stretched and contoured.

Hugging the sky, wishing on stars,

Eyes bright and piercing blue in the wee hours of morning.

And the mourning dove calls,

And you turn your head.

And your pale blue eyes pierce through my heart.

I wish on a star,

To hold you here on the grass,

Forever.

I don't feel afraid.

Good Morning.

Let's get right to the thick of it, shall we? Have you ever felt so utterly alive that is stunned you wordless? You were simply rendered mute? If not, I feel bad for you. It's the most peaceful, and surreal, feeling out of the entire human range of emotion.

It happened in the dark, a jaunt to the park. (Mind you... this wasn't exactly cleared with the adults) After dark. Without cars. And without fear. I felt invincible. And when you sit on the swings and pump yourself to a dizzyingly high level, when the swing chain falls slack, you're there. There are no words, just slack chain to imitate flying. And thousands of sparkling, twinkling fireflies dodging in and out amongst the trees. One moment without breath. Without a single word to say. Just that feeling of pure aliveness. Beauty is night-calm. And the adrenaline didn't hurt, either. :)

One night to live up to my expectations. It was lovely. And tonight? Or, more so, this morning...

It has been fulfilling. Thoughtful and occupied. And yes, there is really something about grocery stores that shouts: "DANCE! You know you want to!!" And believe me. Next time you're in the grocery, picking up your mundane produce you'll feel the urge to dance. Act on the urge. Indulge in a little chaos. You'll feel happier. I promise.

I am a snottily self-proclaimed whimsy philosopher, after all. :)

Oh. Also. I do advise falling in love. Even if it's unrequited. Sometimes it's just nice to pretend.

Good morning-night to you.

Waterloo Sunset.

So, I've been staring at this blog page periodically. And I've been listening to The Kinks voraciously. Hence the title. Something about that song is very bittersweet. It's lovely. Like today. Bittersweet? (That was almost "buttersweet" haha.) Just the way the sun is shining on the daylillies is nostalgic and bittersweet. Life is good and horrible. Beautiful.

Here, have a poem:

"Here comes the Ocean"
To wash this to the end,
Swirl this in the sea tides.

Where the currents scrub it clean.
"Here Comes the Ocean",
To start things all over.

Like glass tossed off the piers at night,
"Here comes the Ocean",
To make it smooth and new.

The sea cannot tell time,
And so "Here comes the Ocean",
To tell you time has ceased.

The waves will start the cycle,
Smooth away the rough, the imperfect,
And "Here comes the Ocean".

Gentle currents make this pristine.
Take away and hide the edges that scratch and carve.
"Here comes the Ocean" to take it all away.

And the Ocean knows not an end,
But it will be here always, the story of human life.
"Here comes the Ocean" to bring plot and purpose.

"Here comes the Ocean".
To wash this away.
To carry it to the deep blue,

Where things start to come clean,
And edges seem smoother,
And "Here comes the Ocean",

To smash this to an end.

I gave this to my English teacher. Hehe... yes. More on him at a later date? :)

So, this is what blogging feels like.

I have been born into the blogger world. It's... awkward, at best. I hope whoever reads this blog enjoys it, if you can stand my rambling. The point of this is mostly to vent. Post poems, write a little prose maybe? Tell you about my own philosophies. Maybe find nifty web links, post some photos. (I do love photography!) So please, people of Blogger, be kind to my infant blog, read a bit and poke around, I hope this humble blog shall grow and blossom. More on this later, I do believe.

Adieu! :)