How To Say Goodbye

I'm upset.

But not dead,

Just getting close.

It didn't hit me until I was in the middle of my math homework.

I am in high school.

My life is a lie.

I burst into tears.

And they haven't really stopped.

And it's quite pathetic,

Because it's not that bad.

But at the same time,

It's so overwhelming.

And they brought in a motivational speaker.

Are you serious?

A re-hash of what all the adults tell us.

You can change the world if you want to!

You are special!

Only other can make you feel inferior!

Yes, well,

Lies.

I am one being.

I cannot change the entire course of the world.

I am not special,

I am like every other cookie-cutter little person.

And no, others don't make me feel inferior.

Forget what those people say.

I, yes, I make myself feel inferior.

Because if I didn't, who would?

Somebody's gotta keep me ground,

And it may as well be the only person that knows everything about me.

Myself.

So I'll "motivate" my way through another year.

Pssh, yeah,

Motivation.

I'm a trifle horrible at that type of thing.

Motivational speakers can't be so peppy away from their motivational speeches.

It'd be impossible.

And I am scared for tomorrow.

It will be scary.

Yet the same.

As things always are.

I felt as though I'd just had a long weekend,

Not a three month break.

Just a short hiatus.

I like that word.

Hiatus.

Reminds me of haikus.

Which I hate writing.

They are so short

And I am not language-skilled enough for that.

And the school website isn't working,

And I can't get my homework done until it works.

That's distressing.

So let's get these 179 days over with,

Shall we?

I hope I can keep the contact with people

And my own emotions,

To a minimum.

I am so fearful.

So meek

And cowardly.

And so quiet.

I have words to say,

But I can't say them.

And I just want to scream.

And tell the world that I'm not all that bad.

I'm not horrid,

I don't think, at least.