Shrinking Violets.

How can one not be a pessimist?

I'm amused and bemused by those optimists...

How do they do that?

Think all's just peachy-keen... that's crazy...

I am not optimistic.

I am so pessimistic it's probably bad for my health.

So here, I'm going to complain about my hatred of things.

I hate school. A lot. It's just there for mental torture...

I also hate me.

For I have gained weight. (Even the smallish amount that it is.)

I am very unhappy and distraught over that.

Because I am vain.

I want to be thin.

At least less pudgy and ugly, please?

I really hate looking the mirror at myself day after day.

And shouldn't complain, I should do something about it.

But I don't know how. I hate sports.

A lot. So exercise is not pleasant. It's a chore.

I just want to be able to look pretty in cute clothes like other teenage girls.

I feel that weight loss would overall improve me.

A very significant amount, too.

Maybe if I were anorexic things would be easier.

But eating disorders are so horrible.

(And I like food.)

Seriously.

I don't know how to fix this, short of drastic mental conditions or major illness.

Can I just dream it have it happen?

To be a size... a size 8? Oh what I wouldn't give.

To be a size 8. Heck a size twelve.

Anything.

Anything smaller than my clothes now.

I hate how I look.

I hate it.

And I deal with it everyday

.I am insanely, grotesquely pathetic.

But I want to be thin.

Because in today's world, thin is equal to pretty.

And who doesn't strive to be pretty?

To have boys fawning over them?

To be able to buy any dress you'd ever want.

I want to fit into the adorable dresses and things meant only for the pretty ones.

I want to be pretty.

I think there's no easy way to accomplish that.

So maybe I'll just cry instead.

Maybe I'll dream up some more lovely fake scenarios in my brain.

I'll dream of what it's like to be perfect.