Good Morning (The Future)

How do you explain
feelings of teen angst
without being cliche?
Without being absurd and
stupid and sad?


I don't know,
so I'll write it how I
do know.


I don't understand.
Why is life so 
boring?
Why am I so stuck?


Why do I love
someone who
doesn't know,
who can't understand,
probably will 
never ever 
reciprocate.


I am restless in my love
for him- 
I am scared that
this is ruining things.


What if I like someone else?
I don't know how.
What if he's my age
and there's a waaay better chance
of this?


But what if I'm too scared
to do anything?
about any boys
I end up liking?
They're boys,
they are so weird.


I can't fathom dates,
I can't fathom high school relationships.


All I can ever handle
is his face and his hands,
the thought of being 
together- these thoughts
of something different.


I don't understand
the dichotomy of 
teenage relationships.


I want something to happen.


Ideally- 
I want to fall asleep
and wake up somewhere else.
Like San Francisco
or New York-
I want to wake up
in a bed with sun
in the windows,
next to him. 


Realistically-
nothing will happen.
I'll wake up tomorrow,
hot and sleepy
and unchanged.


I will love him still.
I will still be confused.
I won't know why
my life is.


And I'm feeling lonely 
and a little lost.
Not so sure.