Denial No More.

Life is too pretty, and I'm loosing you. I'm loosing the one I've never had, and should I dare say it? I have fallen for you. I've fallen so hard, and I don't really know you. I just know you could never love me back. Love. I said it. I am madly in love with you. Yes, madly. The insane type of mad. I am crazy, deranged for liking you in the way I do, and my heart if aching for you. But my mind is screaming to let you go, so I can have one illusionless night to myself. One night without the impossible scenarios running through my mind. The fake, pretty plasticness of it all. You, and I. And a place called New York. And If I could have my illusions I'd drop my real life, I'd drop it and run for you. I'm doe-eyed and weak-kneed. I want to kiss you. I want to curl into the curve of your body. I want to stop pretending. I had admitted that I am in love with you. I am stuck in the tumultuous cycle of unrequited love. Make it stop. I want to cry. When my thoughts are unfocused they wander to you. I've made you into the fake person I talk to myself with. I hallucinate about you. You are everywhere. I want t escape you. I want to be near you. I want the former more because it's easier to achieve. Less chance of failure, oh please, please, make it stop. I want to cut out my heart and leave it on your doorstep with a note saying only "I love you". I want to wake up next to you, enfolded in your embrace. I want to kill you. I want to screw you. God, the list goes on and on. And whoever sees this will know I've gone off the deep end, and it's because of you. It's because of me. My mind that doesn't stop with the images of you. The sound of your voice playing over and over in my head. I want to crawl away from this, unscathed. But that will not be happening. I want the world to see that you've ravaged my heart and my brain and you don't even know it. You don't know I'm over the moon for you. I didn't know either. I denied it. But it comes pouring forth now, and I can't deny it any longer. So I'll say it one more time, all caps, to end this love-hate rant for you, my dear, I LOVE YOU. Yes, I admit it. I love you.

I've gone mad.