I Wanna Be Ignored

"How long, tell me how long

tell me how long, tell me how long"

Until there is nothing left 

in me to constantly fret over.

How long until I won't be

so horridly self-conscious 

and terrified.

Because I think

next time,

god I hope there isn't a next time,

I might actually cry.

And when you say

"Are you ok?"

I won't be able to say,

"Yes, I think so".

Because I try hard not to

lie to you.

"I look at your eyes

and they're like

flooded basements"

Because you are nice to me

despite my awful flaws.

Despite how I am

so paranoia-driven.

You talk complete sense

and then smile 

and I guess

I'll be alright,

I will take this

opportunity.

As you put it.

And then told me

"You'll be ok,

it'll be ok"

And yes, I believe you.

But I do not believe myself.