We Are Nowhere and It's Now

"I love sleep. My life has a tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?"
-Ernest Hemingway

You know.

The more I think of taking a 

gap year, the more appealing the

entire idea becomes? 

The idea of being a little free

for a little while.

Of having the independence

to go.

And do.

Things.

And meet people.

And have a little fun

and see some new sights.

Before I go off to learn more

bookish things.

To be able to travel

while I am young and 

very much alive.

Before I am crushed up

and swooshed around

this country full of mess

in the workforce

and taxpaying majority.

A chance to see

Italy.

And Turkey.

And India.

And South America.

A chance to travel America.

And to write.

And to see.

With my own eyes,

what there is to be seen.

To acquire new perspectives

and gather new ideas.

Not to slack off.

Not to sit at home.

Not to get a job.

I want to get out of this godforsaken place.

I want to be somewhere new.

There is not enough money.

There is not enough time.

And I know I am heading towards an

imminent and terrifying doom.

I have to stop this before it

goes too far.

But I see a lot of

nothing in my future.

I see a lack of fulfillment.

I'm scared the world will not live up

to its expectations, nor will I.

I am deathly afraid of 

personal failure.

What happens when I get stuck 

here?

What happens when I am poor?

What to do 

when I can see my life 

bottoming out before me?

I want to crawl into bed 

and sleep until I can retire.

Oh wait.

That's never going to happen.