The Cactus Where Your Heart Should Be

This hurts.

It hurts a lot.

Worst anxiety attack
I think I've ever had.

Anxious and nervous
and downright scared.

My eyes are still 
all blurry and puffy.

I know this feeling too well,
but not in a situation like this.

I was crying so hard
I collapsed on the stairs,

and then I'd practically hidden
my panic attack medication
from myself and had to 
freak out more
if that was even possible.

I don't fucking deserve this.

In the eloquent words
of my friend via text
"He's a little bitch".

I just want to take a long vacation...
far away
in like,
fucking Aruba
or some shit.

I'm sick of this,
and sick of feeling like
it's all my fault.