And then everything just plummeted down hill from there.
Today.
Sucked.
I quit.
Failed my driver's test.
Couldn't maneuver the damn car to save my life.
I hit the marker three times.
And hello, but nobody told me you couldn't momentarily
PAUSE the car to get you bearings.
What the hell, man!?
What.
The.
Hell.
I was so pissed.
I literally just burst into tears.
I was so frustrated with myself.
I don't fail things.
It's unacceptable.
I am not allowed to fail,
And I cannot believe that
I utterly bombed
The driver's test.
IDIOTS pass that test everyday,
And yet here I am,
A very coherent and alert human being,
And there is a marker,
And "Ping!"
Goes the car as it just ever so slightly bumps it.
I don't fail.
And I'm making this into a big-huge deal,
But it was actually shameful
To have to walk back into the BMV
And say, "Well, I failed."
And then to have to explain to my friends.
That I FAILED.
I followed my simple "3 Step Process of Self-Pity"
Cry. Really hard.
Eat a cookie.
Snap at some people.
Repeat as needed until you feel semi-human again.
And I swore at myself and hit my head against the headrest of the car,
Of course, after I FAILED and was safely away from the cop-lady.
And yes, I'm taking this way too hard,
But I don't think you realize
I am a perfectionist,
Failure is not in my vocabulary.
I have been trained to not fail.
I was also so upset
That I forgot about my phone,
And therefore missed to opportunities to
Ameliorate my Friday night.
But now it's basically gone, Friday night,
And I'm still smoldering,
Over how stupid and brainless I can be.
I want a Friday Do-Over.
Because this entire weekend is going to
Suck so hard.
No license.
Studying for three straight days,
No 24 hour poetry reading.
And being stuck, yet again, with my family.
I am certainly looking forward to all of this grand stuff.
I seriously don't know why
I don't just beg them to have school all week,
I have nothing else to do with my life.
The only thing I have is a GPA.
The rest,
It's nothing.
I don't know.
I have no clue.
Maybe I am just a stupid, chronic pessimist.
Oh yeah,
And maybe I love you a whole damn lot.
And maybe I like the silences that fall between us sometimes.
Maybe they're just fine.
And perhaps, I think you're swell,
Can't really see beyond my little illusions.
Perhaps I am utterly jealous of whoever you're with.
Let's see,
That's... like, four out of the seven "deadly sins" all in one post.
Pleasant way to end my day.
Goodnight,
Adieu.
No comments:
Post a Comment