Swansea

The Project.

It's totally done.

It's huge weight off the shoulders

of four people who spazzed about it.

I feel anxious because I'm not doing anything.

My hands need to make things.

----

Boy Time...

There's a good chance he's got a 

girlfriend.

There's a good chance I spent a lot

of time with/near/in the presence of him

this week.

And it was good.

Because I really like him.

(Like we didn't know that already)

But being the horrible, paranoia-driven 

individual I am, this new discovery

is a hindrance. And a cause of my

ill-founded anxiety.

Why shouldn't he have a girlfriend?

I mean really, it makes sense.

Because he's a swell guy,

and usually those kinds have girlfriends.

But I guess

in the way of loving him,

my ability to feel jealousy 

and insecurity sky-rocketed.

And yet, in loving him,

I want him to be happy,

and if he is, by way of some

nameless, faceless girlfriend,

so be it.

Regardless of how this bothers one part of me,

the other says it is ok, it is good.

Because he deserves as much.

He really does.

It has just left me feeling

(as I sometimes do)

horribly confused,

and undeniably angsty and anxious.

I admit,

I am so teen-age,

but this boy.

I am wondering if he does 

have a girlfriend.

I am wondering what she is like.

I am wondering why I bother

with the fickle small things that

cause me to feel so 

awash in a sea too big for me.

His hands,

his laugh,

his quiet voice,

his loud voice,

his silliness.

Who he is has become 

something I like too much.