The Deserted Ballroom

I don't know what to write,
my fingers are burning,
I feel so inferior.
I am so confused.

My life doesn't want to line up
all nice like it had been doing.
I'd finally smoothed down 
the proverbial cowlick for,
but I guess I ran out of spit
or hair gel or something,
because now it's all
a big ugly mess again.

They always ask me about my
racing thoughts,
and they'd calmed down so much,
but now my brain 
is like 
"LET'S THINK ABOUT 50 THINGS
AT THE SAME TIME."

I thought I'd straightened that out.

I forgot how annoying it is
to think all the time
about stuff that stresses you out
and there's nowhere to put all the energy
because my body is still so tired,
but my mind is like the third rail over here,
just humming along making me miserable. 

Oh my god I thought it was over,
I mean it was, you know,
for so long,
and then everything flares up
like some ugly thing,
like it is really, I guess.

But I feel crazy and all over the place.
Like melty, like nachos.
I am the cheese in a big bundle of nachos,
I'm all over everything,
a big mess.

Like a car full of soup,
if you open the passenger
door I'm just like
SOUP
all over the sidewalk,
and it's annoying.

Yeah, there are all these thoughts
again all the time.

And I can't sleep very well,
and I get angry so easily again,
my hands shake and I get so 
frustrated so fast.

I feel like the Incredible Hulk's
inferior cousin.

And now there are people in my life
who are like,
living their dreams and are nomads
for crying out loud,
writing crazy good things
and living this life where 
she just DOES.
She exists, and it makes good stories
and see is living some crazy way
I didn't know people could actually live.

And I am so confused and conflicted
and feeling crazy and I am a bundle
of raw nerves
and energy which has no outlet,
like I could swim all the seas
or run across Africa
or some inhuman feat.

But I can't get myself to settle
and calm down for a little while,
there's just too much in life,
in every life
all over the place.
And yet nothing can matter
or remain important in my mind for
a very long time
and I do not know.