Twilight

You know,
often people go
"I wish my life was like
those people on tv".

Ahahah. Yeah right.

Because my life is currently
like a bad episode of
"Mystery Diagnosis"
combined with the
bogus-ness of an episode
of "House".

Well, at least this isn't Lupus.

At least it's not a disease.

But it's not like I could maintain my life
normally or anything-
that would be too easy.

It would be too easy
to say,
"Oh it's a virus,
here's a 10-day medication to
get rid of it".

No no, instead I get,
"Well, we'll just have to 
wait for it to get better
and see how your meds work."

I may have to start from scratch.

I wish my life was as easy as Legos.

I could take myself apart
and put myself back together
stronger and better.

But instead I'm kind of like one
of those old-western storefronts,
with the really big facades
that hide an ugly, little broken
building behind them.

A windstorm came by and knocked over
everything I'd built up.

Whoosh,
and I realize
wow,
this is my life.
My life depends on a delicate balance
of medications.

It's like I am not fully human.
More like a patched-together version
of one, like a ragdoll.
And yeah,
I'm a little limp and torn up.

Being thrown around like this will do that to you.

I wish something or someone could come by
and drag my wet limp body from
the continuous spin-cycle that is my life,
and put me in the dyer so
I might have a chance of fixing
all of these wrong things.

I've yet to figure this all out,
but it appears I am a slave
to my flaws
and my shortcomings
and will always be a little left of center.

Can I quit life and just
lie in bed reading
until I die?