South Dakota

I forgot what it was like to daydream
about boys.
It hadn't happened in a long time.
And then suddenly,
it was just
Oh, wouldn't it be nice
to just be together?

And maybe he likes me,
maybe he's just a really nice guy,
but I lack initiative to 
do anything,
I am scared of putting him off.
I just want to slip my hand
into his and say,
I like you, ok.

And then our hands could
stay together and the warmth
would be nice.

We could do our homework
together, sitting at the
long tables at the library lit
by green lamps,
the soft light
is soothing.

We could take drives
and walks,
we could cook together.
We could sing together,
or watch television together.

But I worry
that if I try,
I'll be wrong,
you won't like me.
But if I wait
and don't say anything,
I worry I'm losing time.

You are a complex creature 
I cannot fathom,
and I want so very badly
to understand you.
To just sit down
over cups of coffee or tea
and talk for a long time.

Batmobile

Do you ever have those feelings
that you're a total
fraud?
At everything you do?

I don't even feel real,
but it's not like I'm faking it.
This is who I am,
right?
Or am I just building
on a bad foundation?

I don't know,
looking at the Riot Grrrl
movement 
made me go,
"Am I really
a feminist?
Am I doing it right?"

Am I really a person,
am I doing it right?

Sleep the Clock Around

And then I got confused.
You know how sometimes
you catch a glimpse of someone
and then the world
slows down for a moment?
Ugh.
I saw you walk across the library
and thought
that is such a cute shirt on you
then I caught myself
and was so disgusted
with the thought.
So what if it was a nice shirt?
So what if it was on a nice
looking body?
It is a body that houses
a rude and 
selfish person.
I got duped.

And I hate that feeling,
you're like,
but maybe I like you,
maybe I'm over this.

I have to remind myself
that I am not over
the rudeness I had to 
deal with,
I am not over the
attitude with which you
treated me.
You were a flat out jerk.
But a cute one.
And funny sometimes,
smart.
You helped me in a lot of ways.
Until you decided I was really just
in the way, I was over-ambitious.
I remind myself that 
so many things will never happen
because I'm not there.
Have fun with that,
you suck 
for making me confused.

I just want to forget you.
Life is short
but so is your patience
so we may never talk again.

I like someone else
now,
and he is better.
Nicer,
more genuine.

I wish he liked me.