Frog in My Throat.

Oh geez, guys.

I realized how dismal and disappointing and useless my last posts have been.

And I wholeheartedly apologize if I bored you to the verge of tears.

(I've never seen someone cry due to boredom, but I assume it could happen)

Honestly,

I don't know how to entertain though,

So you're kind of stuck with me,

Just being... me.

And if I'm funny,

RAD.

If I'm stupid and annoying,

I wouldn't mind at all if you stopped following the blog,

I wouldn't be offended,

Because I know, this isn't exactly the coolest blog ever.

I don't have a jazzy layout with spiffy fonts,

Or photo albums full of photos I stole from the internet and put a vintage effect over.

I'm not that kind of person.

I'm the kind that will rant to you, expect you to listen, and then reward with only the occasional nifty picture.

Gee, I'm certainly super-swell, right?

Psssh.

(That was my attempt at that sound people make in real life when they've just whipped the sarcasm out.)

((It failed a lot, didn't it?))

If you read this.

Give me suggestions on how to make me blog awesome.

Or just tell me something.

Anything.

It could just be something stupid

(Ex- "I like pie.")

It could be spam

(Ex- Chk outtt this awsum youtube vid! lololol)

Or, you could be super-awesome and get a figurative gold star if you actually complete the task.

(Ex- You should have a sarcastic photo album of stolen, vintage-ized pictures.)

So knock yourselves out, guys.

Seriously... go crazy.

I can already hear the crickets.

Figuratively, of course,

Because I'm listening to the Violent Femmes

On the highest volume notch my laptop will allow.

The Violent Femmes are one of those "You have to listen to them full-blast bands"

And they've gotta be live, too.

Their studio recordings are just... eh.

Live is so much more... peppy and energized.

Oh!

I feel like you should all answer this question too,

Isn't it creepy when teachers talk about you?

You know, when you aren't there?

And then they go,

"We were talking about you at lunch."

And immediately you get defensive

And get that

"Ohmuhgad, what were they talking about, what have I done, oh crud" face,

And you try to not look like you're totally creeped out.

Because teachers talking about you is at the level of seeing teachers outside of school

On the scale of academic creepiness.

I think I'm going to work on said "Academic Scale of Creepiness".

But it really is.

And it's even weirder when they talk about your poetry.

It's all "Woah guys, creepy."

But you don't say that,

Because that would give away the fact that it freaked you out.

And being a very self-conscious being,

I didn't want to have that undeniable spazzy look.

So guys, I advise,

Don't do anything that gets teachers to talk about you.

Avoid the academic scale of creepiness.

Please, I beg of thee,

For your own good.

Wow.

I feel like a total disappointment again.

But seriously,

The only blogs I've seen in my life are:

Ones that over-obsessive new mothers make centered upon their infants.

Obsessive homemakers who post recipes and home-keeping tips online.

Hipsters who state nothing of actual importance, (Just have those cliche photo albums I was talking about.)

Or ranting teenagers like myself.

I've only found a few really good blogs.

Like Hyperbole and a Half.

Hilarious.

To the nth degree.

From the ms paint illustrations,

To the hilarious and true stories.

It's an all-around rad blog.

Ok,

Maybe I'm starting to fall under the "Hipster" blog type.

Eww.

So I'm depending on whoever reads this

(I know you're out there, I check my 'stats' tab!!)

To show themselves and give me constructive criticism.

Or I'll find you

(Because I know where you all live, of course)

And I'll do something mildly scary to you,

Like short-sheet your bed

or TP your house

Or drink all of your chocolate milk.

And then I'll leave and you'll probably never see me again.

(Oh the elusive mysteriousness!!)

So, you better all beware,

Or I will short sheet you.

I've got my eye on those Star Wars sheets, watch your backs!

(Muahaha. And if any of you have Star Wars sheets, EPIC.)

I've totally bored you again,

Now haven't I?

Well shoot,

So much for that, right?

ADIEU.

And remember.

I'll drink your chocolate milk and creep you out.

So talk to me, and by that, I mean comment.

Dude, the box is right... there... so... close...