So let's get this thing over with right?
No matter how contradictory is will be to my previous post about how I just want to never talk about him ever again.
I love you.
I hesitate to say it, type it, acknowledge it.
It's tough.
Because everything is against this.
This liking, this horrible misconstrued crush.
And people hate you.
Lots of people, they despise you.
And that makes me hurt in some horrible way,
Because I feel like you know this, you know you aren't a popular person.
And I wonder how it makes you feel.
I wonder what makes you have those pained expressions you get sometimes.
I wonder how much I bother you and annoy you to no end.
I feel like I do.
You assure me I don't.
And I somehow can't believe you.
There are days when I just want to hug you because you look so down.
And other days you are so very upbeat and peppy.
And it's cute. And people still hate you.
Still think you suck.
And I'm starting to think maybe I'm just blind to your bad qualities or something.
Maybe I just choose to see the good part of you.
Maybe I'm just an insane teenage girl.
Because apparently, all teenage girls think like this.
They all have silly crushes and think silly things.
Yippee for conformity.
But really, I do think I love you.
No, no, I know I do.
But it's in a different way than other teenage girls.
I'd compare my love for you with my love for trees and rivers,
And the sea.
I love you like I love the sea.
It's something different than people-love.
This love I have for you.
Sometimes,
And this is pretty stupid-sounding,
You are my muse.
Like the sea, you are my muse,
And I can hate you and love you at once,
And you drive me to do things.
It's a different kind of love,
Or so I can claim.
I can claim it's different than other teenage-girl love.
It may be the same, I don't know.
But I see it as being very different.
I want it to be very different.
I want to love you like I do the sunshine
And the grass blades.
I do love you like that,
Like I love summer days
And the colour grey.
It's not the way of loving someone
Just because you can,
Just because they're there.
I love you
Because you instill the same feelings that nature does.
You sometimes embody nature.
You are this intelligent person who has a heart and soul
And you love.
I know you do,
You seem to be simply lovely.
I love you because of who you are (or seem to be)
And I just think of this love differently.
You remind me of sea breezes and
Spring nights.
The color grey-blue.
Your eyes are that colour.
You remind me of lovely things, within yourself.
You are all of these things.
And so I love you.
Whether it be utterly creepy or naive,
I do.
Despite what is said about you.
Despite things that separate us indefinitely.
I do.
And you will never know.
You never should.
It'd be too much.
But I sometimes wish that by loving you from a distance you will somehow feel that,
You will know, and you will understand.
And it's preposterous, of course,
But I sometimes just wish you to be happy,
Just wish you to continue being.
I do.
Maybe this was the cold medicine talking,
But if I said that, it'd only be a horrible cover-up,
Because I truly feel this way.
Goodnight.
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