Light Of The Lost

Hello Monday afternoon.

You're really fond of being a pain, aren't you?

I guess it's your job, Monday afternoon.

Reminding me that school exists.

And homework and obligations,

And all the other things that put a serious damper on my life.

Yes, so very pleasant, Monday afternoons.

I'm sure you all know the feeling?

I bet the thought process goes something like this:

"Gee, that wasn't too bad."

...

"Shit, I have to do this all again tomorrow!!"

*Frustration ensues*

"And the day after that. And after that. And after that. Oh my God, life sucks."

And then you get on with your life, right?

I figured.

But what do you look forward to?

The weekend?

Is it your only salvation?

Like that tacky Aaron Carter song "Life is a Party" (Or something like that.)

Where he's all "Everyday should be friggin' sweet!"

No.

No, Aaron Carter, you are wrong.

Welcome to life.

Every day is not friggin' sweet.

So what's there to look forward to?

And how far forward can one look?

Because part of me just wants to look forward to when I retire.

And the other part of me is shouting "Tomorrow's gonna be better! Make it count! You can do it!"

That little optimistic voice?

Usually gets pummeled by hopelessness and homework.

Optimism is one of the most easily crushable emotions.

It's fragile.

(Fruh-Gee-Lay)

(I hope that reference actually made sense. Please say it did, just to make me feel good about myself. Bring on the ego-boosting!)

Maybe I should look forward to stupid things.

Like waking up and not being dead.

Or I could look forward to getting the mail everyday.

Or making tea.

Or taking a shower.

All those silly mundane tasks that I'm rather indifferent about.

I could look forward to a lot of things.

But I don't.

It's like tunnel-vision.

I'm set on this one-day-at-a-time deal.

One foot in front of the other.

Baby-steps.

And my salvation?

Any mental escape I can get.

Daydreaming is about as awesome as awesome can get.

I look forward to drifting off into ridiculous scenarios,

And I'll admit, I've daydreamed about unicorns before.

Because they're pretty stellar creatures.

Anyway.

I'll stop.

I'll go away until the urge to blog compels me back here again.

On a completely unrelated sidenote.

I felt like puking this morning.

And I had to try to not die.

Because guess what?

We were the only two in the room.

And I had to talk to him and act like he wasn't what was making me want to puke.

That apparently went over pretty well because he didn't look at me weird or anything.

Awesome.

And I'm going to the doctor.

To get some antibiotics.

And I'd love to say I was going to stay home tomorrow and sleep and watch crime dramas all day.

But no, I'm probably going to resist the urge to cough and projectile vomit

And haul myself to school.

Because that's the kind of idiot I am.

Yippee.

Goodbye.

I love you.