And sleep out of this funk?
Can you sleep through a funk?
Or does the feeling stay with you even through dreams?
I'm sifting through the slower Beatles' songs
And I think I was going through withdraw or something similar
Because I currently want to listen to only the Beatles.
And I will.
With 256 Beatles songs, I'm sure I can listen to them (and only them) for quite sometime.
Regardless of my somewhat surprising near lack of homework,
I am not happy. I'll probably still spend way too much time on it.
When really, there are 157 things I'd rather be doing.
Yeah. 157. I'm really tempted to name them all.
That would be ridiculous.
I'm desperately trying to avoid cracking
And spilling out a stupidly teenage angst filled rant.
It'd mostly be self victimization.
But what is victimization but an extension of truth in this case?
it's just... an extreme degree of truth.
So I'm going to indulge
And let my rant break free.
...
And now that I've said that, I can think of nothing to rant about. Nowhere to begin.
It's cold outside.
And it's going to get worse.
I hate fall.
And winter.
Winter is unacceptable if there isn't snow on the ground.
Snow is the only thing about winter that I enjoy.
Not the cold, or the greyness, or the dark, or the freezing rain.
Just the snow.
And fall?
Who needs it?
It really serves one purpose:
A nice backdrop for Thanksgiving.
But I'm perfectly fine with a sunny and warm Thanksgiving.
Maybe I'm destined to move somewhere that's warm all year long.
And the weather is effecting my mood.
But it's not just the weather.
I'm just stupidly overwhelmed.
I want to be alone.
Yet it's the last thing I want at the same time.
Because I'm being a total... dweeb (in favour of a moderately degrading term)
About everything.
I'm being a jerk.
And I can help it, of course.
I could totally fake being happy. I could my normal disposition easily.
I've done it before, and can do it again.
But I don't want to fake it.
Nor do I want to be a grouchy loser.
I can't win.
I hate myself right now.
I'm debating what's safe to put in this blog
And what is not.
Am I really trying to censor myself?
Yes.
Yes, I am.
Why am I subjecting myself to this.
Attempting to redact parts of blog posts.
I should be able to say what I want.
But sometimes what I want to say
Isn't what people want to hear.
People don't want to hear me gush obsessively over my super-ridiculous, never-gonna-happen, 'crush'.
Even I don't want to hear about that.
because I live with it everyday. I live with all these stupid, idiotic thoughts about him. And I hate every single minute of it.
I do. I want to just stop. I want to get over him. There are so many Ingrid Michaelson songs I could reference here. That's what she's always singing about,
Getting over a guy. And I want to get over him. Yet, at the same time, I don't. This little illusion keeps me sane while working away quietly at my sanity.
The only way I can think of to just stop thinking about him is,
Oh, that's right,
I DON'T know a way to stop thinking about him. Or I would have by now.
Can I say I need a way to fall out of love with someone?
Would falling out of this thing hurt? Is that like getting your heart ripped out of your ribcage?
Or can I do this seamlessly.
Why am I even bothering to contemplate.
Truth is, I'm stuck.
Stuck in this silly, silly love-like-thing, for a guy that is totally unattainable.
And by totally unattainable,
I mean it.
There's no safe/sane way to actually be with this guy.
So I'm just stuck with illusions.
All day, every day.
It's just so pleasant.
Can't you just see the sarcasm dripping off the word?
No matter what I say.
I'll still want him. And I hate myself for it.
And I hate him for being so awesome.
Why did I have the misfortune of meeting him?
Asfmdpsbmlfnmgn-p,n
*further frustration*
Have a pleasant evening.
Sadly,
I still love you.
Too bad you can't reciprocate.
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