I've talked about cakes, my favourite season and how much I want a white Christmas this year,
Driving school and ACTs, and why I must be a fearless driver.
And I've tried (so distractedly, sadly) to assuage my dear friend and her academic worries,
Which I believe are all plaguing us.
And I've tried really hard to keep that mental composure
To keep myself from crying.
Because I'm still just a scared little kid.
Maybe a kid who takes an AP class and makes some penis jokes,
But still a little kid.
And I have a horrible fear of automobiles.
I don't want to drive them.
What I screw up?
People could legitimately die.
On my behalf.
I'm not ok with that.
And I never will be.
I am so scared.
And I'm currently crying.
No use in holding back the inevitable.
It only ever backfires.
Why can't I function on my own?
I'm so clingy and childish.
I'm currently yearning to wrap myself in a quilt with a pine scented candle and a funny Christmas movie.
I want a Christmas tree, and snow, and wishes, and angels.
I want to make snow angels in the lawn, and drag my brother around on the sled.
I actually desire frozen toes and crystallized scarves.
It's all about what I want.
I'm so selfish.
I need to stop being like that.
It feels morally wrong.
I need some sleep,
A lot of it.
And when I wake it will be winter time.
A winter wonderland.
Just kidding.
It's going to be autumn, and
cold.
And homework-filled.
I need to find a big sweater.
Like those oatmeal-textured ones
That grandmas knit for their grandkids.
That are so warm and comfy and big.
And you feel like you're in your own little sweater-fort,
It's the feeling of someone hugging you.
That's what I've been so desperately grasping for!!
Sweaters are like hugs!
Which somehow reminded me of how I'm reading "Mockingjay" (awesome, in case you were wondering)
But: SPOILER ALERT.
I remembered the part where Finnick and Annie are reunited.
And they're hugging and falling all in a heap over each other,
And I wanted to cry.
Because that was so emotional.
I was truly attacked with the use of pathos.
(Thanks to Mr. Schey for alerting me of the Aristotelian thingers, I'm feeling smart right now...)
But geez, I literally had tears welling up in my eyes.
It was so cute.
So bittersweet
And heartfelt
And all that other mushy-sappy jazz.
(Again with the want)
I want to have that Finnick and Annie type of love,
They are/were so in love.
It's overwhelmingly cute.
Adding to the earlier winter statement:
Just pencil in my crazy-obsession boy,
And things couldn't get any better.
But I know the version without him can come true.
So I'm definitely not getting my hopes up.
At all.
Ever.
Although I have a seriously delusional version of homecoming where we kind of sneak into the hall and slow dance to The Velvet Underground.
And he compliments me on my dress,
And he kind of holds me really close
And all that mushy jazz.
Now to find a pine scented candle and some ibuprofen.
And a sweater.
Goodnight,
Or something like that.
I am delusional-ly in love with you.
And since I'm crazy, that makes you Finnick.
I'm Annie.
You're Finnick.
And that means you like the sea.
I wonder if you like the sea in real life?
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