September

September.

Because it's the month.

And also a fabulously disco-awesome song.

*Dances*

It's actually September.

You can tell.

School.

Cold mornings.

Shorter days.

That feeling that the summer months were too short and that winter will slog on forever.

(Because it will certainly seem that way, no matter what)

September.

Because that means 2010 is almost over.

Essentially, there are only three months left.

Where'd it go?

HOW did it go, more importantly?

I'll use that cliche feeling of sand slipping through the cracks in your fingers.

Because you can't hold on to sand forever.

And that's what time is.

Sands.

(Hence "sands of time", eh?)

And here I am.

Complaining about how I wasted yet another year.

Story of my life.

(Also a song.)

But it's true.

Same thing.

Different year.

I make no changes.

I am the same as ever.

Will I ever surprise myself and actually do something?

Something incredible?

Or at least,

Out of character,

Spontaneous.

Something that matters.

Probably not.

But I guess I can live with that.

Most people do.

But they're happy, now aren't they?

Or do they fake it?

Or is it just thinly veiled contempt?

(I'm thinking the latter.)

But then there are those truly shiny-happy people.

Do those people make more differences than those contempt-driven ones?

I'm not sure.

I think it's best if I'm not sure.

What I find my discourage me.

Like in math today.

I literally just deflated like a balloon.

Sunk down in my chair.

Stared at the clock.

Ticked my the minutes.

Not because I'm stupid.

(I was half-paying attention)

Not because I hate that class with an unholy passion.

(That was last year's math.)

It's because I felt trapped. Undermined. Stupid.

I waited for my escape.

Because I felt stupid

And the girl in front of me who kept glancing at my paper

And then changing things on hers.

Or the one next to me who babbles about things in a rude voice.

Or most of the class, really.

I felt a little stuck.

They were the quicksand.

I was the victim.

The door (not three feet away)

Was my salvation.

And I presume it'll be the same thing tomorrow.

A vicious cycle.

That's what school is.

Oh, the agony.

Because technically, right now,

I should be studying for that AP test.

Or maybe finalizing my essay.

Or even studying the latin declensions.

But I'm blogging.

Because it's my only outlet.

(There's poetry too...)

And I don't know.

I just type and type.

And I complain

And spill my guts

And thoughts.

It's like I barf up half of my brain matter onto my computer.

Yeah.

Blogging is something like that.

Poetry is barfing up your soul

And then stabbing it to the page with your pencil.

Blogging is more subtle than that.

But really,

I should get to that schoolwork.

I really should.

Because that's more important than my thoughts.

School is the only level my brain functions on.

I think it's dulled my emotions

But heightened my pain.

It will tear me apart,

And one of these times

I'm not going to pick up the pieces.

I'll forget a limb.

Or a brain hemisphere.

Or my soul.

It's the last one I'm most worried about.

Adieu.

I love you.