Punkrocker (Featuring Iggy Pop)

So I was handed a pink sheet of paper in homeroom today about the PSAT,

And it's sort of spun itself a nice little thread.

The paper was shouting "THIS IS ABOUT YOUR FUTURE! FUTURE FUTURE FUTURE!"

And I realized.

Nobody cares about NOW.

It's always what's next, what's new,

Where you're going,

Not where you are.

I think this is especially the case with teenagers.

We have no time to enjoy now,

Where we are in life,

We are constantly propelled forward,

Into adulthood.

Into college decisions, into what we could make out of ourselves if we only applied ourselves.

What if we like who we are now?

What if we don't want to think about college because it's scary?

And what if we want to just stop and stare at the clouds for a second?

No, no,

No willy-nilly free-time,

No stop-and-smell-the-roses time.

It's what you're going to do tomorrow, and next month, and next year.

Sometimes, it's only what's going to happen in the next hour or so.

But it's never now.

We don't care about the present, swiftly becoming the past.

There are times when I just want to stop,

I want to like whatever moment I'm stuck in.

Sometimes, I forget that I'm supposed to be "living".

Because to me, living is what happens in the future, and on weekends.

I'm cracking the future up to be something I know it's not.

When can I be happy with here.

Now.

When can I just be content, and live?

When can I put aside the pressuring obligations that are quickly drowning me, in favor of calm, peaceful living?

Do I have to wait?

When does the waiting stop?

Do I have to wait until I'm dead?

Until there's nothing left to lie about?

Until I am in forever-sleep?

Is that when I enjoy living?

The situation would be ironic, if it were the case.

Do I have to sneak little moments of living in

Among the pressuring "FUTURE!" comments?

I am accosted by what I'm going to be, what I want to do,

Where I'm going to go.

I can't be me, the present me.

The one right here,

I have to be the future me,

Only now.

Like on Phineas and Ferb: "It's the flying car of tomorrow, today!"

That's how I'm feeling.

I want to be me.

I actually want to live a little.

I feel a little trapped.

Is it because I'm smart-ish?

I don't mean to sound conceited,

But it appears that the kids who aren't drowning in school work have more fun.

I know, I know, my education is my future.

Oh wait.

That's the problem.

The future part.

What am I getting now,

But five nights a week crammed with learning?

And five days a week crammed with learning?

If I wasn't such a straight-edge kid,

Maybe I'd have more fun,

And blow off my homework sometimes.

And then cry because my grades would be poor.

I care too much about the future to basically give it the finger and live my life.

The future controls me.

My education controls me.

I won't lie, sometimes it's fun,

But most times,

It isn't.

Like right now,

I could be studying for a history test.

But I'm not.

Because I'm too busy complaining.

But I'll go back to studying after I post this.

I've studied all afternoon.

And I still think I'll fail.

I have low self-esteem?

Sometimes, yes, I do.

But I feel silly saying that.

Future.

Well, future,

Sometimes I imagine you.

And in my mind's eye,

You're exactly what I've been waiting for.

But I know, when I get to this "Future"

There's going to be another future.

And another after that.

So why envision this ethereal, perfect future?

When I'll end up wanting another future?

A bigger, better future?

So far, I'd like my future to include a few things,

Happiness, answers to my now rhetorical questions, love, life (as in, actually LIVING), writing, and maybe a cozy nook somewhere in the mean, tough, beautiful city of New York.

I have high hopes for my future.

As do the people around me.

Sometimes,

I think they've misplaced their high expectations.

Just something for you all to think about.

What's your "Future" look like?

How are you going to get there?

Is it being jammed down your throat everyday?

For your sake, I hope not. I would think that would be painful.

Adieu, and goodnight.

I love you.