Tiger Teeth

What does it matter that I'm blogging again?

What does it matter that to your right is a photo of a carousel,

Taken with the shutter speed probably set to "bulb" to catch the lights.

Why should it matter?

Does it matter to you?

Because oddly, it doesn't matter to me.

And the "It" is probably a lot of things.

It is

High School,

It's homework,

Feeling inferior

Him

And any host of other rad things.

"Rad"

Yeah, right.

So what can one do but crawl into bed,

Beaten down by defeat?

By illness

Both physical and

The mental manifestation

That decided it was going to be physical too.

And they can prescribe antibiotics for the sinus infection.

But there are no antibiotics for everything else.

Have you ever had the urge to just not go back?

To work.

School.

Home?

To just forget it ever existed.

And walk away, unscathed and unafraid of what you could find.

In the big, open world.

Where somehow, things don't matter so much.

Where your grades only get you so far

And your self-determination is tested to it's maximum.

Have you?

And what if you did?

Just packed up and left.

And decided going back wasn't worth it.

That your life had veered from the course you'd wanted

And that leaving was the only way to get it back?

I've thought of (dreamed of, even)

Leaving.

Dropping out.

Being poor and ignorant and ridiculous.

And somehow,

At times,

That seems better

Than this life I'm leading now.

The life that likes to pretend it's a lie.

Sometimes, it actually is a lie.

I live in the cookie-cutter suburban home

With my white-bread family

Trying to eck something out for myself.

Because you can so easily get lost in this sea of sameness.

And if I left.

Who would miss me?

Would I miss them too?

Would the ones I really needed,

Really wanted to miss me,

Do so?

Could I make a daring escape into a life of exile?

Never communicate with my family or anyone ever again.

It'd be a lonely adventure.

And I feel like I'd turn into a really bad person really fast.

You know, drugs and crap.

Am I morally above that?

In this setting, yes.

Yes, I am.

But outside of it?

What would stop me?

Nothing,

As far as I know.

And that's ok.

Because I'll never run away.

I'll never leave and not come back.

I won't become some heroin addict

With the sunken eyes and ashy skin.

Truthfully,

I feel like I will forever be a white-bread suburban girl.

And what's to challenge that idea?

As far as I can see

Nothing.